My struggle lately...I suppose my life, is trusting a God I can't see or hear on a daily basis other than how He has revealed Himself in the Bible. The past year has brought some difficulties in my life, things I have never experienced...death of a loved one. I have lost grandparents, but I wasn't very close to them so the pain hasn't been too bad. But last year I lost a brother-in-law just before I deployed and it affected me more than I planned.
Mike was one of the 'good ones'. Everyone loved him and I deeply admired him. His wife loved him and his kids were very close to him. I had hoped I could get closer to Mike after moving to Fort Bliss, but unfortunately God had different plans. I say 'unfortunately' but the reality is, it's fortunate, at least for Mike. As the cliche goes, he is no longer in any pain and is now with His Savior. But that fact brought little comfort to me and I'm sure to his family and friends. Even today it brings little comfort. He's gone...we miss him...his life left a great big hole in our lives...I don't care that he's better off...We aren't better off without him. Sounds selfish, but it's raw emotion, even after a year. I still feel that way.
But if I trust God as I say I do, then I have to believe that. Nothing on this earth happens without God's approval. NOTHING! So, this was God's plan all along, from the beginning. And though I don't understand, I trust because I have no other option.
During my deployment I witnessed death too often. I hated seeing the soldiers come through the medical station being so young with their lives ahead of them, only to lose it. Or the young soldiers coming through the medical station with serious injuries...losing limbs or losing a part of themselves emotionally. At times it seemed like a waste.
And this week Shawn lost a dear sister in Christ named Elizabeth. She was in her 30's with two young daughters and a husband. She was also one of the 'good ones'. So I asked myself, 'Why does God take the 'good ones'? I'm not angry at God! I'm not questioning His motives because He is God and I understand that His love is incomprehensible so to try to understand God in that sense is futile.
So I simply trust Him and move on. And I am grateful for all I have in this life. I have a wonderful wife who loves me. I have three kids I am so proud of, and I have a God who I fully believe always does the right thing at the right time. I trust that because I have no other choice. And when I start to doubt it, my life becomes a life filled with doubt, anger and unhappiness. When I trust, I am more content and less concerned with the things of this world. In other words, I am happier.
So, why does God seem to take the 'good ones'? From the words of a seminary professor who has since gone to glory, the Reverend Marquart, "I guess He just prefers their company." I love that statement. I guess I'll be here awhile.