Live life as if you know 'the rest of the story'!

I learned...well, I'm still learning a great lesson recently.  My family moved to Wiesbaden Germany on 3 January after receiving orders last summer.  It has been a wonderful experience for my entire family, after having gone through some challenges.  Our son Christopher joined the US Air Force in September but unfortunately had to leave early because of a heart issue.  So our challenges getting to Germany were numerous.

I worried about many things.  First, getting Christopher on our orders after having heart issues was daunting.  I believed he would get denied because of the care in Germany and we would get our orders changed.  Second with the 'fiscal cliff' facing our nation because of our increased government spending and the subsequent cut backs, I thought our orders would get cancelled in order to save money.  And to top all of this off, I had a deep sense of guilt after receiving orders to Germany.  I know I do not deserve such gifts so I believed everything would fall through at the last minute.

But something fantastic happened...EVERYTHING came together as planned and actually it came together better than I could have anticipated.  We are now in Germany and Christopher is with us, doing well.  We moved in to our new house yesterday and even small gifts like an attached garage, which for Germany is a huge blessings because few people over here including military have garages.  We visited Worms and Heidelberg last weekend and we plan to visit Rothenburg this weekend.  Now usually things don't go as planned in my life, though it seems to work out nonetheless, but EVERYTHING came together.

So I learned a great lesson...trust God even when things go poorly but especially when things go well.  And trusting God involved knowing who He is and trusting that our Father in Heaven actually has a plan for our lives and works out all things for His good (Romans 8:28-36).

As for me, with all of the possible barriers preventing us from enjoying Europe, I learned that to trust God means to look at my life through His eyes.  He knows the end, the last page, the 'rest of the story' so I can trust that since He knows all, He does what's best.  If I look at my life through His eyes, I can live my life as if I know the end, the rest of the story because even though I don't know how my life will work out, He does.  And the end result is a sense of freedom; freedom from worry about my future.  Because if my future is anything like my past, I am in for a glorious 'rest of the story', no matter how it works out.  He is my Savior.

Why does God take the good ones?

My struggle lately...I suppose my life, is trusting a God I can't see or hear on a daily basis other than how He has revealed Himself in the Bible.  The past year has brought some difficulties in my life, things I have never experienced...death of a loved one.  I have lost grandparents, but I wasn't very close to them so the pain hasn't been too bad.  But last year I lost a brother-in-law just before I deployed and it affected me more than I planned.

Mike was one of the 'good ones'.  Everyone loved him and I deeply admired him.  His wife loved him and his kids were very close to him.  I had hoped I could get closer to Mike after moving to Fort Bliss, but unfortunately God had different plans.  I say 'unfortunately' but the reality is, it's fortunate, at least for Mike.  As the cliche goes, he is no longer in any pain and is now with His Savior.  But that fact brought little comfort to me and I'm sure to his family and friends.  Even today it brings little comfort.  He's gone...we miss him...his life left a great big hole in our lives...I don't care that he's better off...We aren't better off without him.  Sounds selfish, but it's raw emotion, even after a year.  I still feel that way.

But if I trust God as I say I do, then I have to believe that.  Nothing on this earth happens without God's approval.  NOTHING!  So, this was God's plan all along, from the beginning.  And though I don't understand, I trust because I have no other option.

During my deployment I witnessed death too often.  I hated seeing the soldiers come through the medical station being so young with their lives ahead of them, only to lose it.  Or the young soldiers coming through the medical station with serious injuries...losing limbs or losing a part of themselves emotionally.  At times it seemed like a waste.

And this week Shawn lost a dear sister in Christ named Elizabeth.  She was in her 30's with two young daughters and a husband.  She was also one of the 'good ones'.  So I asked myself, 'Why does God take the 'good ones'?  I'm not angry at God!  I'm not questioning His motives because He is God and I understand that His love is incomprehensible so to try to understand God in that sense is futile.

So I simply trust Him and move on.  And I am grateful for all I have in this life.  I have a wonderful wife who loves me.  I have three kids I am so proud of, and I have a God who I fully believe always does the right thing at the right time.  I trust that because I have no other choice.  And when I start to doubt it, my life becomes a life filled with doubt, anger and unhappiness.  When I trust, I am more content and less concerned with the things of this world.  In other words, I am happier.

So, why does God seem to take the 'good ones'?  From the words of a seminary professor who has since gone to glory, the Reverend Marquart, "I guess He just prefers their company."  I love that statement.  I guess I'll be here awhile.

Do I trust God? Really...

I've been struggling with a particular issue lately and I'm focusing my devotional time to satisfying my struggle.  In fact I'm reading a book on my Kindle App on trusting God.  It's not earth shattering, but it's helpful.

Do I trust God?  I came across a quote from MLK, "Faith is taking the first step when can't see the rest of the stairs."  It's not an exact quote, but close enough.  I can say I trust God, but I'm put to the test when things don't go my way or when I don't get what I want.  This struggle stems from my struggle with prayer.  If God knows all, why pray?  Does He wait for His 'prayer warriors' to implore Him to respond and if so, why?  That doesn't seem 'godlike'.  It seems something I would do.  If my kids ask once, I tend to say no, but if they repeatedly ask or if all three ask, I tend to say yes.  Somehow that doesn't seem something God would do.  So I began praying God would reveal to me His plan and show me daily situations I can learn to trust His way and not insist on my way.  I feel better about praying that way...I suppose it's less disappointment.

But trusting God is quite difficult at times.  It seems to me that those who don't identify themselves as Christian but do identify themselves as spiritual suffer from the same concept...trusting God.  He just seems so random.  Some 'good' people suffer while 'bad' people prosper.  Natural disasters affect not only the non-Christians but Christians as well.  Does God punish?  If so, who?  Someone who dies at 47 because of cancer and leaves behind a wife, two kids and a grandson and from all appearance is a really great person, doesn't seem to make sense.  But someone who causes pain on others appears to prosper.  Honestly, because I don't understand and many others don't as well, God just doesn't make sense and it's hard to trust that God.  And it's quite difficult to share God's love because sometimes it seems so shallow.  So, what do I do?  How do I trust God when He just doesn't make sense?

I remember!  I reflect on my life and I remember how God has ALWAYS led me to the path that makes sense.  At the time, I wondered and when I reflect I can honestly say God didn't make sense.  Why didn't I get the job at Whitefish Police Department or Flathead County Sheriff's Office, but instead was a police officer at Columbia Falls Police Department?  A good department, but I wanted more.  Why did I suddenly feel as if I needed to resign and pursue the ministry?  Why did I struggle during seminary and then at my first congregation?  Because it seems God guided me to the Army Chaplaincy where I feel content that where I am, God wants me to be.  I remember all of those struggles and fully believe God is in control, He always does what's best (though sometimes I have to be patient and trust), and so long as I continue to reflect on my life and discern my mistakes and the struggles I create because of my own errors from God's discipline and correction, I feel I can trust God more and rely on myself less.

I can trust God if I seek Him on His terms and not on the God I create.  Mark Twain once said, "In the beginning God created man in His own image and ever since, man has tried to return the favor."  I must learn to trust the God as He has revealed Himself in the Bible and in my life and not create God to be who I expect Him to be.

Lightning Storm

Shawn is big on photos so I thought I'd post a photo I took from a lightning storm we had a few months ago at Fort Bliss.  Pretty cool!  Odd that we had no rain.

Wow, haven't blogged in quite some time.  I looked at the photos and comments made and realized a lot has happened since my last entry.  Ok, so I'm trying to keep up with my blog because it has some healing effects with my soul.

Here's what's on my mind today.  We've had quite a lot of changes lately.  I deployed to FOB Shank in Afghanistan 11 September 2011 and returned 6 July 2012...10 months away from my family.  After I returned my son Christopher joined the Air Force and two months later he had to leave the Air Force because of a heart issue.  It appears he has a leaky valve or the valve doesn't close when it's supposed to.  His absence was very hard on me.  Shawn too, but I'll speak for myself.  I cried often, at least for a few days and then recovered.  Then when he told us he was getting out, another big change occurred...we had to deal with his return.  So, now it's Thanksgiving and we're waiting to see if we can get him added to our orders!

Another little miracle.  His appointment with EFMP (Exceptional Family Member Program) went better than expected.  The doctor at his appointment passed him along with no issues, which means it shouldn't be a problem getting him added to our orders, although we may have to adjust our flights.  We should be able to find this out the end of next week.  God is good!

We are scheduled to fly out to Wiesbaden Germany on 8 January, but with the unknown involving the 'Fiscal Cliff' our nation is facing because of possible budget cuts and tax breaks not being extended makes me nervous about our travel to Germany.  As of today we have 46 days until we leave plus Shawn and I drove to Dallas on Monday to have our vehicle shipped to Germany.  Add to that my security clearance going through and I have a lot of confidence we'll be in Germany in less than two months, but who knows with politics today.

Speaking of politics, I am so thankful the election is over.  Since the election I haven't watched news on TV so my mind is clear from the influence of both sides...such as Fox News and MSNBC both of which are heavily favored by either the Republican or Democrate party.  I feel as if I am able to make a clear decision as to what is right or wrong based on reason and the Bible because I'm not being 'brainwashed' by either side.  It feels freeing in a sense.

Enough for today!  Blessings to all.  Thanksgiving was wonderful.  We went to the Silva household...our neighbors on Fort Bliss.  They are a wonderful family.

Please continue reading...

Please continue to read about our adventures as a Chaplain's Family at The Parson's Wife blog... I have been blogging there for a few years and although we wanted to have a seperate blog for our life in the military, we have found keeping up with two blogs, Face Book, email, and life are just to many things to have on our plate at once. Please continue to grow with us and join in on our life adventure at The Parson's Wife... God's richest blessings in 2010 for all indeed!

This Week...

Rico has learned to sit, shake, and is making great progress in potty training!

We were BLESSED by the US Army to attend a great night of football at University of Texas El Paso... not so good after-game hotdog issues... sorry honey!

I bet our neighbors love this!

Most of the boxes have been unpacked for a few weeks, but we were trying to wait until they were all done before curbside pickup... another great thing about Army Life, they are picking the boxes up for us! The moving company would have unpacked for us, but rumor has it they just scatter all items on the floor (and I guess you can't blame them, they couldn't possibly know where to put everything!) So here is our front yard this morning... and thank you to my man for getting up at "O-dark-thirty" as they say to get them out of the garage and onto the curb for pick up.

Oh, and really, Army families are used to these types of piles in the front, and trucks pulling in and out daily unloading and loading... so I am just sure our neighbors don't mind!

Single Soldiers Retreat

This past weekend my Chaplain hosted his first "Single Soldiers Retreat" in Ruidoso, New Mexico. There was cool air, pine trees and mountains... but even better, was the young men and women who attended, 38 in all. They were truly refreshing, sharing their ideas of what relationships are and genuinely wanting to participate and learn. Along the way, during our free time, these young men stopped to aid some elderly shop owners with needs of their storefront. Here are some pics that I took catching them helping these locals... a big HOOAH to the young men serving in the US Army, THANK YOU!

New Life...

It is INDEED a wonderful life. New, not routine yet...as you can tell by my lack of blogging... new all acryonym language. I will work hard at finding my camera cord, blogging is just no fun without it and am seeking that RoUtINe that I am missing. God is so good, his forgiveness and commitment is so sweet, and I am longing for a routine with Him...

Army Wife Life ...

No more homelessness...FRIDAY

Incredible! God indeed supplies all of our needs! The housing office at Fort Bliss (thanks Carol!) called and told us they have a home for us, we are so excited! We have now gone for 4 months without a home of our own. I am so looking forward to placing a dinner on the table, and sitting together for a meal. This house is not the original home we thought we would get, right on the "main" post in a two-story new home, BUT it is up on the side of the mountain, with spectacular views of El Paso and the Mountain (see it in the backyard?)... Thanking our Loving and Sweet God for his provisions!

We are back, and getting settled in...

Well, sort of... we are living in a hotel until post housing is available (there are 4 families in front of us for homes).  We will be living in a hotel, don't know why they call it a suite, it is one room, two beds and a kitchenette.  We will also have a inflatable mattress for our eldest child.  Hopefully we will be here for less than two months!  

Our homeschooling curriculum is in our Household Goods Storage in The North, hmmm, somewhere in the north... so I made it over to the post library and checked out:

• Mathematics (High School General)
  
• Spanish (Berlitz)
  
• Anatomy (Skeletal Systems)
  
• Art (Sketching the Skeletal Systems)
  
• Government (U.S. Constitution)
  
• Language Arts (Poetry and ACT SAT prep Grammar)
  

Beginning School in a hotel, will be a challenge, but what a blessing it will be to home school during this transition, what a mess it would be to get an 8th grader and a Sophomore to two separate schools with one vehicle, and not knowing our way around.  God is indeed good!

We are LOVING Fort Bliss, and ate an an incredible Mexican Restaurant last night.  The post bowling alley was really great this week too.  The weather in very nice and not unbearable.  I am so thankful God placed some great mountains around the post, it makes for great views as we go on our daily walks. 

I will try to take some time to re-cap the summer months that we spent apart.  I am looking franticly for my cord that connects my camera to my computer.  

My man's Birthday, during training...

I am sad to say that our blogging has been kind of random while the Chaplain is training, and I am with my family in Texas.  We don't have WiFi, which I have learned I have become very dependant on... but the Air Force Base that is close by has WiFi in their foodcourt, so here I am!  First, I am sorry if I have neglected any of the emails or comments that others have written, life is really different right now.  Not harder, not easier, just different.  We look forward to getting our family together again and living under one roof for a while.  God willing.  

Friday is Eddie's Birthday... and for that I am grateful for his life, and that our lives have formed One in Christ through marriage.  Thank you God for my man, and that he is willing to serve You in the Office of the Ministry and in the U.S. Army!  

We mailed gifts to our dad... the ball is just addressed with a sharpie and the postage $1.50-ish was applied directly to the area above the address.  How fun.  The store only had purple left... but it was fun anyway!  

Summer Update/ recap

First, I am sorry that I haven't been around for a while, the wifi zones are hard to come across while we wait for our housing.  So this is what we have been up to for a few weeks...

My children are enjoying their time at my sister's home in Texas while their Dad is away at Fort Jackson... this dog is such a joy to them every morning... we may have to visit the humane society when we get to Fort Bliss.

We were blessed to visit the Six Flags in Arlington, TX for Danielle's 18th birthday!!! We had a "Blast" going to the moon during the movie-ride there... really if you are in the military check out your local ITT office, the tickets were affordable!

My man was given a three day pass and I prepped with a brand new "do" for his arrival.  I am so thankful for the time he was able to spend with us... 
 

Chaplain Training with a Kevlar Vest... I am thankful for that... and well, his Chaplain's Assistant, who I am praying for already... God is Good.

Sun kissed Texas

While the Chaplain is in South Carolina the Chaplain's Wife and children are staying with family in Texas... from the far north of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan to the far south of west Texas... it seems like we have stepped out of a wintery wonderland into a tropical heat. We are enjoying the sun, birds and southern hospitality. Walks are easier, as the land is flat, as log as we stay hydrated.

I do miss my husband, he is able to talk to me daily, but I still miss his sweet face, his touch and the normalcy of home life. I am thankful to God that my family is so welcoming and hospitable.

I also have a prayer request, my husbands car is in the shop. We are waiting for pay, and still unsure of the amount. He had to purchase uniforms and "incidentals"... so our finances are up in the air. God so knows. He knows our every single need. I continue to remind myself of that, but as human as I am- I regress. God's provisions always are abundant and so timely.

I don't have wifi here, and am trying to get into a routine for blogging and uploading pictures of our trip to the south... looking for a place that has some zooming internet! Starbucks? hmmmm

Memorial Day- Small Town Style

Our small community remembered the sacrifices of our service men that have given their lives for our freedoms.  My husband, who leaves in a few days for basic (Chaplain Basic, US Army) was asked to give the Invocation and Benediction for the memorial.  Moving.

Loving Too Much?

Ever wondered if you love TOO much? We hear that if we hold an infant too much we will spoil them, but I'm not sure I agree with that concept. If they need love, we should give it to them.

Is is possible to love your wife or children too much? I will be leaving Thursday morning for Chaplain Basic (CH-BOLC) so I won't see my wife and kids for 3 months. Oh, comparatively speaking 3 months is short compared to a year or even several years while deployed, but still...I am going to miss them; especially my beloved wife.

I know she believes meeting me saved her life, from whatever sort of life she lived before we met, but I beg to differ. She saved MY life. The reality is, if it weren't for this special woman, my soul would continue to be lost through unbelief in a Savior. She led me to the greatest gift I could have ever received...salvation in Jesus alone! She gave me...LOVE; true, deep and limitless love.


So, again can you love too much? We can have misdirected love as for example when we love the gift more than the giver of the gift. We can have improper love as when we love something God tells us not to love. But we can't love TOO much! After all God is love and His limitless love is demonstrated by His Son dying for us, His friends (John 15:13-14). If anything, God loves us too much because we are so undeserving of His love, but that's exactly why we CAN'T love too much. We don't have that capability.


I love my wife and kids and will miss them, but I know that love endures and actually strengthens through trials and tribulations. Thank you Shawn for loving me and walking beside me these 19 years. Let's see what Love has in store for us in the future!

I Am An American Soldier!

Work begins!

I have begun reading 'Army Officer's Guide' by LTC Keith E. Bonn.
Admittedly I purchased this book a week before I got 'the call', believing it was God's call and having faith He would continue to open the doors to the Army Chaplaincy. And He did. It's an interesting book and since I am SO excited about Army tradition and values, I enjoy the read.

But there is more work to be done. In addition to the numerous emails from CH-BOLC staff and requests for information from them, I was notified we must memorize the Soldier's Creed.



I AM (becoming) An American Soldier. Hooah!

Reality of farewell

Sunday our churches celebrated my husband's Call to them by hosting a farewell dinner.  The beautiful  flowers, tons of food and tears streaming down faces was a sight to behold!  We thank Our Redeemer Lutheran Church and Trinity Lutheran Church for the years of hospitality in the U.P of Michigan!  Later that day we hosted a farewell cook-out/graduation party for my 17 year old daughter at the parsonage... huge success!  120+ people celebrated with us and we even had three seminary friends (and families) travel to be a part of the festivities.

Then reality hits.  Quiet.  We are leaving. 

My heart is breaking.  Three months away from my sweet husband.  I just want to touch him.  Remember every detail of his face.  Three months.  Reality.  

Sacrifices for My Country!!!

Well, the Army has called and I have responded. I will take one for the team. I have been assigned to the 4th Platoon and since this is the LARGEST CH-BOLC class in over 20 years, there are not enough rooms on post to house all of us. Some of us MUST sacrifice and give up plush living on post for this...
Oh, how much I LOVE the Army!!! I hope post housing at Fort Bliss is like this...I'm sure it will be.